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Thanks, I Needed That

With a title like “Thanks, I Needed That,” you might imagine a little Mennen Skin Bracer. Remember that commercial? Probably not, but that’s what the men always said after they had slapped themselves in their faces.

Instead of slapping myself in the face, I want to use the title to offer all of us something that is very useful, but hard to find these days. Some laughter. I decided to do this last week when Donna Sue read me a Facebook post from someone many of us know.

“I was in the MacDonald’s drive-through and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn as I was taking more time to order than she thought necessary. I was a little miffed, but decided to ‘take the high road.’”

When she got to the first window to pay for her order, she asked could she pay for the order in the car behind her. When the cashier told the young driver what had been done, she was embarrassed by her rudeness and thankful for the random act of kindness that had been shown by the elderly lady ahead of her.

When the first driver got to the window to pick up her order, she showed both receipts and picked up the other lady’s food, too. That meant the car behind her would have to go and order again.

The moral of the story? Don’t honk your horn at old people!

A man was reading his newspaper one morning and his wife walked up behind him and smacked him on the back of head with a frying pan. Obviously, it surprised him and he said, “What has gotten into you? Why did you do that?”

His wife showed him a piece of paper with the name Betty Sue on it. “Look what I found in the pocket of your pants. Who is Betty Sue?”

The man explained, innocently, “You remember when I went to the races last week? The horse that I bet on was named Betty Sue.

A few days later, the man’s wife came up behind him and smacked him on the back of his head with a frying pan a second time. “What was that for?” the man asked. His wife replied, “Your horse called.”

The man should have bet on Mister Ed!

A woman was talking to a friend on the phone about her body that had gotten out of shape. “I called my doctor and got his permission to join an aerobics class for seniors.”

The she told her friend that she had bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and sweated for an hour. “After I got my leotards on, the class was over.”

Going to an exercise class or gym reminds me of a cartoon I saw about Maxine. Remember Maxine, the crotchety old woman with the dark glasses and an attitude? She said, “I don’t call my toilet the John. I call it Jim. That makes me feel better because I can say that the first place I go every morning is the Jim.” Good ole Maxine.

The sign on the door said, Marriage Seminar. People were learning how to make their marriages last longer and be more meaningful. The moderator called Luigi to the front and asked, “Luigi, you and your wife will soon be celebrating your 50th anniversary. What’s your secret?

Luigi said, “No secret. I make it a point to always treat her kindly and with respect, but the best thing I ever did was take her to Italy on our 20th anniversary.”

“What are your plans to celebrate number 50?” Luigi was asked.

Luigi answered proudly, “I’m going back to get her!” Thanks, I needed that.